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When I became single, truly single without any baes on the side, I decided to make myself open to getting to know people. I expected most guys to be attracted to me for my style, my personality and my intellect. That wasn’t necessarily the case. While I was trying to get to know people for who they were, they were trying to get to “know me” in the biblical definition. I found that most guys, not all but most, are merely infatuated with a girl based on their fantasy of intimacy with her. That “aww, he thinks I’m special” feeling quickly dissipated when I realized that I was just untapped territory. It took me a while but now I can quickly identify if a guy is just trying to get the goodies.

Here are 5 ways to know if a guy is trying to sleep with you:

  • He asks What Are You Doing Vs. How Are You Doing?

These questions seem the same but they’re really not. A guy who primarily and consistently asks”Wyd” or “what you doing” (especially late at night) is concerned about what you are physically doing. He secretly hopes you are engaging in some kind of enticing activity like showering or cooking. This provides the set up for all the lame responses and sexual innuendos to follow. A guy who asks “how are you or how was your day” has a genuine interest in you.

  • His Emoji’s Do the Talking

Emojis are a great tool for communicating and expressing emotions. However, some people have really gotten creative with these little cartoon-like images. If a guy sends you certain fruits or veggies, he’s not asking you out to lunch. If you get the smiley face with the wink, then the one with the tongue sticking out, beware, you have a sexter on your hands.

  • He’s Touchy Feely

“Right hand on thigh.” -The guy who seems to always be playing an unwanted game of twister clearly wants to sleep with you. It can be as subtle as a gentle hand along the lower back, which is a very intimate place for a hand to reside; or as blatant as a butt tap. If you find that a guy is always trying to tickle you or give you a massage…prepare to give the side eye. Mr. Touch-too-much is trying to desensitize your body to the surprise of his touch, or even make you desire it. Watch out now, somebody wants to play an adult version of doctor.

  • He Shows You What He’s Working With

Our society is obsessed with visuals and personal images. It’s how we communicate on our favorite social networks. It’s no surprise that someone would get the idea to send a naughty pic to show you what you’re missing. The advertising agencies have mastered this theory- if we get them to lay their eyes on it, sooner or later they will lay their hands on it. If a guy sends you a pic of his naked body or it’s appendages he’s thinking the same thing. Mr. I’m too sexy for my shirt is telling you loud and clear that there’s a meeting in his bedroom and your presence has been requested.

  • He Tells You

“I would love to relax tonight. Let’s get a Redbox and cuddle.” (Cuddling=gateway touch. This is the oldest one in the book but apparently it still works. ) “I dreamed that I made love to you last night. When you gonna let me make that a reality?” (I wish I was making this up but I’m not. Wait, there’s more) “When you gonna let me lick chocolate syrup off your toes?” (It gets better…) “If I said I wanted to give it to you long and strong what would you say?”  (Here’s the kicker) “Nice meeting you today, by the way, I’m not looking for anything serious. I really just want to have sex with you. Let me know if you’re down.”These are real statements and questions that guys have asked me recently while at work, in casual conversation or upon just meeting them. You don’t have to do anything sexual for a guy to come with these invitations. Some guys prefer to be frank, honest and to say what they want from you. People will show and tell you what their intentions are. It’s up to you to believe them.

Being single is definitely a journey. From my adventures or misadventures I’ve learned how to identify if a guy wants hanky panky. A majority of guys will attest that they don’t just want sex, they actually want to have meaningful conversations and to spend quality time. But don’t be naïve, they still want sex. Oddly enough, I found that not all girls can pick up on these signals so hopefully this helps. As a single gal it’s imperative to be able to quickly identify the kind of guy you’re dealing with and respond accordingly.

And in the words of Ciara, “If you’re looking for the goodies, keep on looking cuz they stay in the jar. Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh, Oh-Oh.”

Author Felichivaughn

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