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I never knew that looking at a list could bring me to tears…

Here’s what happened.

I was getting ready for an overdue weekend at the beach. I was so excited about this beach getaway, I tried on my same 2 bathing suits and maxi dress almost every day. I was stoked!

We were getting ready to leave the house and God told me, “This is a chance for you to let it go.” Considering this was a getaway with hubby, I initially thought- I must be holding on to something that Brandon did or said. I wasn’t sure what that could be, either way, I was open.

We get to Clearwater Beach, which I affectionately call, “Aqua Clara”. Within hours I found myself in my favorite position – seated on the shore, embracing every wave that crashed towards me. I heard God say, “I want you to let it all go”. He showed me that I was holding on to years of goals, tasks, ideas, to-dos…and things that I subconsciously thought should have happened by now.  

He led me to write the craziest list ever- a list of unfinished tasks, unrealized dreams, unfulfilled expectations, and all things unforgiven. Looking at this page and a half – allowed me to see the invisible weight and subtle shame that I carried from day to day. I didn’t know all that was there.

My hands were shaking. I knew this feeling, transparency, and vulnerability. Still processing, I begged hubby to pray with me and he prayed the exact sentiments of my heart. God’s love and grace then laid on me like a comfy cardigan and gave me the strength to let it go!

So, I ripped that paper up like an old receipt and threw it in the hotel lobby trash.

Here’s what I realized:

Fulfillment comes from your relationship with God, not completing tasks or goals.

He hates for us to carry weight, emotional debt, shame.

God wants us to walk with Him, like a child; light and full of belief.  

God wants to do new things with us and through us so we have to embrace a renewed mind.

So you don’t have to be at Aqua Clara to hear clearly from God or be on a tropical island to get away. Your car, your closet, the cubicle at work..wherever you make a place for God, He’ll meet you there. Before you dive into another year, another month another day, ask God to show you the weight in your life. What are you holding on to that you need to let go? It could be people, business ventures, or ways that you thought your dreams would come to pass. Decide that if you are going to hold on to anything, it’ll be His voice, His word, and His direction.

Will I make lists and lofty plans? Of course, it’s my love language plus I’m dreaming bigger than ever before. But this time around, I am embracing grace, not perfection. I’ll be giving my hopes, dreams, and plans to Him and anchoring my emotions and worth on Him, not the checkmarks.  





Journal Entry:

God, what are the things in my life that weigh me down?



Isaiah 43:19 (MSG) “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history.

Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.


Proverbs 16: 3 (MSG) Put God in charge of your work, then what you’ve planned will take place.

Romans 12 1-2 (MSG) – Renew your Mind

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Author Felichivaughn

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